The Duggars: The Cost of Being On TV

I remember watching the Duggars before they even had a show.  They were a large conservative family with kids dressed in red and white outfits (most of which looked handmade) traveling the country in a motor home.  Their lives looked happy and simple.  They had TV specials on once in awhile highlighting what life is like with 14 to 15 kids (not sure how many they actually had at that time).  It was feel-good TV and better than some of the reality garbage on the other networks.  Who can argue with living debt free, frugal living, shopping at thrift stores, good wholesome family values?  Apart from homeschooling and strict fundamentalist Christian principles, I find myself adhering to many of the Duggar’s lifestyle choices.

Then the Duggars became TV stars. I was watching an episode years ago from Season Three:  Duggars New Addition where the Duggars layed concrete on their basketball court and the younger kids were forced to play inside.  They were struggling to find things to occupy their time.  I remember thinking, “This is so boring.  There is no depth or meaning to this.  But why am I still watching it? And why do I want to watch the episode that follows it?”

In a later episode from Season 5, Duggar In Danger, young Jason Duggar falls twelve feet into an orchestra pit and an ambulance is called.  In a later interview Michelle Duggar says, “Now we have so many adult children that they have a phone with a camera on it.  So everyone was getting this on their cameras.”  I asked myself, “Is this normal to pull out your camera and start videotaping when your little brother gets hurt?”  Of course it is if you are a reality star.  This makes for great TV!  You cross that line from living your life as a simple family to being a performer or TV star basking in the perks TLC has to offer.

What family of 21 can realistically travel the world?  Jill Duggar had 1,000 people at her wedding including media reporters–this is not normal!  Jessa Duggar took a honeymoon to France. Josiah Duggar invited 400 guests to his graduation party. The Duggars have a barred fence around their home to keep fans out–this is not normal living either.

Now they have followed the demise of the reality stars who have gone before them.  Since Josh Duggar’s struggle with sexual molestation and most recently addiction to pornography and infidelity was made public. Should we even be all that surprised?  There is a cost of being on TV.  Allowing cameramen into your home documenting your daily life shrinking your privacy is exhausting.  The Duggars chose this, but unfortunately their young children did not.  They will have to deal with the consequences of these scandals the rest of their lives.  Even though it may not be ethical to conduct a witch hunt delving into police records violating somebody’s privacy etc., it is a dire consequence to choosing the reality star route.  Nothing is hidden anymore.

The Duggars feel they are different from other reality families.  They don’t watch TV and limit all their exposure to music, the Internet, movies etc.  They see their reason for being on TV as a family ministry.  Being a person in the ministry, I see “ministry” as sharing the gospel message of the saving grace God freely gives through Jesus Christ.  It really can all be summed up into that.

The Duggar’s share family moral values and living.  There is nothing wrong with that, but that’s not the heart of what ministry is.  If we have this attitude of “Look at the Duggars!  We want our family like the Duggars!” we are setting ourselves up to feel insecure, ashamed, and now severely disappointed.  They are not a perfect family and have their hidden sins (that have become not so hidden) and I don’t even think they are the best Christian example.  Psalm 146:3 says, “Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings who cannot save.”

Fame was not something Jesus Christ actively pursued.  He walked humbly on earth and lived His life with His ministry pointing to the one true God.  His sacrifice was not fame and fortune but rather his death which paid for our sins.  So let this Duggar scandal be a gentle reminder that even the perfect looking are far from perfect.

How do you stay motivated?

“How do you stay motivated?”

amy half marathon

When it comes to exercise, I get asked this a lot.  If I had “a A + B = C” answer, it may only work for a certain few and not pertain to your situation.  Honestly my motivation waxes and wanes.  Since I have been running off and on for fifteen years and dabbling in triathlon for three, I feel like I am at liberty to share a few things.

1) I need rewards:  I was reading this spring that we make our decisions based on rewards.  We may do something that is not always pleasant and maybe not fun because we reap the reward it provides.  For instance I hate cleaning but I love looking at my sparkly organized kitchen.  Running is the same.  In the very beginning and for many years afterwards it was unpleasant and I didn’t enjoy it.  But I loved the accomplishment afterward.  That reward motivated me for many years and still does during tougher weeks.

2)  I need more tangible rewards:  I was trying to incorporate track runs into my marathon training and I hated the anticipation of doing them.  Often I would skip them all together.  Because Jamba Juice and Dutch Brothers coffee are both close to the track, I would reward myself with a juice or coffee after a track run.

3)  I need to be running with others:  It took many years to find people to run with mostly because of my unpredictable schedule with babies and toddlers.  Now I love the fact I have to get up and meet my friend for a run.  It is a waste of her time to leave her on a street corner waiting for me.  I’m a bit of a people pleaser and in this situation it works in my favor.

4)  I believe our bodies were made to move:  Our ancestors had to endure physical labor or they would starve or freeze to death.  No one had to go for a run because they worked their bodies all day long.  Now with many desk jobs and work from home positions, we spend a lot of time sitting.  I don’t believe God created everyone of us to be an athlete, but I do believe we are to honor Him with our physical bodies.  Part of taking care of our bodies is getting out and moving.

5)  I need activities too…not just my kids:  The kids sporting world is overwhelming to me this day in age.  There are many options and so much pressure to be a star.  I honestly think some moms should have their children take a season off from sports and they as moms should pursue their own activity or sport.  Many moms I have spoken to share how running or going to the gym helps them be better moms because they are getting their exercise time in.

6)  I want to set an example for my kids:  My kids see me run and do triathlons and support me in my endeavors.  I don’t know if any of them will be runners or triathletes, but I am exposing them to it.  As a kid I remember my dad going to the gym or taking me on bikes.  If exercise is part of our normal lives, it makes it much easier for them to incorporate it in their lives as adults.

7)  I believe it is more than image and weight loss: I do not agree with weight loss companies that heavily focus on image and pounds lost.  That rarely motivates me.  I do not weigh myself on a regular basis.  I have found that when I do, I get too obsessed with the scale.  I get overly discouraged and I am more likely to quit and start eating whatever I want.

8)  I need healthier ways to cope with my anxiety:  I’ve struggled with anxiety pretty much my whole life.  Soon after I picked up running, I was working for a church as a youth director.  I was on the phone with someone I was trying to plan an event with and we were not seeing eye to eye on an issue.  I told this person he/she was not treating others fairly.  I have a difficult time standing up for myself.  I also tend to communicate with too much emotion.  I managed to hold it together but it was exhausting.  I hung up the phone fuming with anger.  I went for a run and pounded out four miles at a fast pace.  I felt amazing afterwards.  I remember telling my friend, “I had no idea running could do that.”  It really clears your mind and in some ways brings you back to reality.  So often anxiety clogs our brains making us only see anxious thoughts.

9)  I need to be outside:  I have appreciated the seasons, God’s creation, my own neighborhood, weather in general, and quiet mornings since I took up running.

10)  I am out there and trying and sometimes that is enough:  I’ve heard some moms don’t want to run outside or go to the gym because they fear everyone is watching them.  You may not believe me, but people aren’t watching you. Even if they are–who cares?  You’re out there and you are trying.  Some moms don’t want to enter races because they don’t want to be dead last.  Even if you are dead last, you are still faster than the person who is sitting on the couch doing nothing.  Focus on your own goals and don’t worry so much about what others are doing.  Really they aren’t watching you!  If anything they are cheering for you.  The running community is a pretty friendly one.

So there you go.  10 motivators.  Go tackle that run!


On being an adult at a middle school camp

We have this ongoing “When I was at summer camp” (said in a whiny voice) joke in our family.  It means whenever you come home from an event in which you were the only one who participated, nobody in the family wants to hear every single detail about what you did.

This has been an interesting summer because I went to Camp Calvin as an adult counselor & leader last week.  This week the oldest is at Lutheran Camp.  We’re covering the main areas of the Reformation with Calvin & Luther.  The husband went to Synod (annual meeting of our denomination) in early June which might as well be a camp for pastors.

Rather than share every single detail of Camp Calvin I’ve narrowed it down to 10 observations about being an adult at middle school camp.

1)  Getting middle schoolers to go to bed is just as difficult if not MORE challenging than putting babies and toddlers to bed.

2)  Middle school boys and girls are starting to like one another.  However it comes out in strange ways such as whacking one another on the head with pool noodles.


3)  I swear my five year old grew an inch while I was away.  I keep looking at her and she seems much older.


4)  I may be a marathon runner and triathlete but I cannot for the life of me run up a 2 mile trail on a mountain and run 2 miles back down.


5)  I may be 38 years old but I can still go down a natural water slide.


6)  Middle schoolers have no idea how old adults are.  Some thought I was right out of college (really!?), in my 20’s, in my young 30’s, and for a minute someone thought I was a camper!

7)  Sleeping on a camp bed in a lodge with eighteen middle school girls and sharing a bathroom can be exhausting for introverts.  Thankfully I’m an extrovert but I still had to get my space once in awhile.

8)  I friended all my new camp friends over 25 on Facebook and all my middle school campers on Instagram.


9)  A camp diet that includes gooey cinnamon buns, peanut butter cups, and regular Mountain Dew is hard to break once returning home.  I should have eaten a salad for lunch but all I am craving right now is potato chips and chocolate.

10)  There is nothing as beautiful as 63 middle schoolers singing praise to the Lord and engaging in sweet fellowship.  Their rock hard faith in Jesus Christ is one that can inspire us.


Marathon Mom Part 1: My First Marathon in October of 2006–Lessons Learned.

This was posted on my former blog in October of 2006…(the text in italics was written in 2015)

On Saturday we left Zillah, Washington and drove to Portland, Oregon. We stayed in a suite in a motel with my parents and Rob’s parents stayed next to us. I was really nervous–the marathon was constantly on my mind. My mom kept saying to just walk if I got too exhausted–there was no shame in doing so. Rob kept reminding me I was not competing to win–just go out there and have fun.

Lesson #1:  If you want a halfway decent night’s sleep don’t sleep on a hide-a-bed sharing it with your husband and also sharing a room with your parents and your almost one year old.  Granted we had just got done with seminary and living for a year with minimal income and we had to live extremely frugal.  

Lesson #2:  I did not blog about dinner, but don’t eat pizza as your pre-race meal. There are better choices.

I slept better Saturday night, but still woke up too many times. I almost woke up Rob at midnight and told him I didn’t want to run it anymore. It was not worth all the nerves. Somehow I got over those feelings of wanting to drop out. We left around 6:00AM and got lost. I almost missed the beginning of the race. I got to the starting line with only about nine minutes to spare. Thankfully Rob and Hailey got to see me start. I kissed Hailey before I crossed the starting line.

Lesson #3:  KNOW how to get your starting line.  Have a GPS (granted we didn’t have them back then and had cheapie cell phones), back up directions, and a map.  Study your map and know exactly where you are going.  Even if someone is driving you and assures you they know how to get there–you need to be responsible and have a good idea on how to get there too.  Leave super early and allow time to hit traffic or make a wrong turn.  You will not regret getting there early!

What actually happened…I think I still had PSTD from it and didn’t want to blog about it.  We had just moved to Oregon and did not know the area at all.  I had a map I did not really study and was way too reliant on Rob.  He said he knew where he was going, but we got mixed up with the freeways.  We thought the 205 went immediately into downtown when it goes around downtown.  We were staying right by the airport and got on the I 205 and just kept going.  We were supposed to merge on to the I 84 and then the I 5.  We ended up in Oregon City and my best guess was we were 17 miles out of the way of where we were supposed to be.

We stopped at a gas station and I am literally an emotional mess.  A gentlemen at the gas station guardian angel read our panic and let us follow him all the way to the starting line. He told us we had to push it and keep up with him.  My husband was trying to assure me by telling me I could run the Seattle marathon a few weeks later.  But I just wanted to be done with training and both our sets of parents were here from out of town…how often does that happen?

We made it but barely and it was AWFUL.  I learned from this incident that I really need to learn how to read maps and be more confident in navigating.  I don’t blame Rob.  We both were pretty dumb.

It was very challenging–much more difficult than I thought it would be! I was pretty nervous and that might have affected my performance a little bit. I also found it difficult to find a good pace. I felt really good starting around mile five until around mile seventeen. I enjoyed the scenery, performers (there are many musical groups that perform along the race course–my favorite was a harpist), and chatted with runners around me. By mile seventeen we had to run up this huge hill to the Saint John’s bridge. Most of the people around me started walking. I didn’t want to walk at all, but was advised I should. I would conserve energy that way. So I walked up half of it. Running across the bridge was beautiful.

Lesson #4:  Have a good idea beforehand what pace you want to go.  In training I was doing about 10 minute miles.  However I did not use Map My Run back then and I had no GPS watch.  Again our money was extremely tight and I only had the bare minimum. I carried an old fashioned stopwatch and I ran to the clock not the distance.  I should have run with the 10 minute mile pacing group, but my pace was all over the pace.  I was constantly going fast, slow, fast, slow until I hit the wall around Mile #17.  It is helpful to run with a pacing group or at least know which pacing groups you are running between.  

I started to freak out a little bit by mile 20 because I was feeling really exhausted and I still had six miles to go. I ran a little and then walked a little by that point. Many people were walking by that point. I walked quite the bit the last two miles. I was able to run the last half mile and crossed the finish line! My time was 4:38:00.

Lesson #5:  Lower your expectations for your first marathon and don’t beat yourself up if you cannot maintain a pace.  I was upset by Mile #20 because I had nothing left.  Even though my parents and in-laws cheered for me as I crossed the finish line, I was ticked off at myself.  I really thought I failed.  I never relished in the idea I completed a marathon and was “a marathoner” until a few days later.  I said I never wanted to do it again and “marathons” were not something I could do.  If you sometimes have a self defeating personality like me, you need to prepare yourself if things don’t go according to your plans.

There were so many choices on what to have at the aid station–two kinds of sports drinks, water, goo, bananas, bagels, Red Bull, gummi bears, and beer. I think the sports drink might have made me a little queasy at some points because when I just had took the water I felt better. The beer (just a small cup) was nice and I also liked the bananas.

Lesson #6:  Figure out what sports drink your marathon is offering and train with it.  This goes the same for what food they offer.  Or bring your own sports drink and food if you don’t mind wearing it.  BTW–this was the only marathon I ran where they offered a variety of food.  All the other runs I have run have just been water, sports drink, and gels.

I am really excited that I completed it and experienced it! It was awesome to have both my parents and Rob’s parents greeting me at the finish line. It was wonderful to see them cheering me on.

I was very sore afterwards. I was limping around (my right knee hurt really bad–I could feel it coming on around mile 24) and trying to keep my legs from tightening up. I need to keep doing some walking and elevating my legs. Surprisingly I am not nearly as sore today as I thought I would be.

I will post pics of the whole weekend when both parents come out to Salem later in the week. Both my dad and Rob’s dad took some great pictures of Rob’s examination, the marathon, and some cute ones of Hailey.

After this marathon I did not run much afterwards.  I think I felt like I accomplished a goal and was not sure what to do after that. So I did nothing.  I did not love the marathon as much as I thought I would and still felt self defeated.  I did some running here and there and maybe a 5K.  I also had my son about a year later.  I did not start training for anything until January of 2009, but by March of ’09 I found out I was pregnant.  So I postponed training for anything major until September of 2010 when I trained for my second marathon.

Lesson #7:  Just because your first marathon might have been disappointing, don’t assume they will all be that way.
I also raised around $200.00 so far for CRWRC. I am so excited to share these donations and help a family in need in Africa.

Race Report: Minneapolis Marathon 2015

I started running in 2001 at the age of 24.  I ran my first marathon in October of 2006 at the age of 29.  No one in my family ran back then and some thought I was crazy.  Why would I want to fork over one hundred dollars to enter a race not to mention the countless hours of training? It took my older sister many years until she finally “got it.”  I never held it against anyone. I knew what I was gaining from running and it was enough to keep me tackling marathons.

So my sister and I had talked about doing the same marathon at some point in 2015.  We live on opposite sides of the country.  I loved the idea of doing “a destination” marathon and traveling somewhere.  I wanted to do a spring marathon because I have found it much easier to train all winter  and run in the spring versus training all summer for a fall marathon.  I don’t work in the summer so you would think I have more time.  However, our summer weekly routine is not consistent. It is hard to train when you are home for a week, go out of town, home another week, and then go someplace else.  Not to mention the heat!

We looked at a marathon calendar and narrowed it down to a few options.  We chose the Minneapolis Marathon because the timing was the best.  It was the only weekend in the spring I had nothing going on.  The course looked great running through parks and along the Mississippi River.  I wanted to do a run in a larger sized city versus a small community marathon.  I had no idea I was signing up for a marathon that had only 700 runners.  Then I remember the large marathon is Minneapolis is the Twin Cities marathon which is in the fall.  However, my sister and I found some advantages of running “a medium sized marathon” versus one with 10,000 runners.

I awoke at 2:00 AM on Saturday, May 30th. I slept without waking up from 10 PM to 2:00 AM and felt pretty rested.  I think when it comes to this whole marathon experience I am grateful for all the solid sleep.  When it comes to travel and racing, I never seem to sleep well.  I had to catch a shuttle bus at 3:15 AM.  My husband did not appreciate the shower going followed by my hair dryer–but hey I was not about to travel all day without doing my hair.  I made it to the shuttle bus on time.  Everyone on the bus was curled up on the seats and trying to sleep but I was wide awake.

4:30 AM seemed way too early to eat breakfast so I waited until around 5:15.  I get up this early to workout so it didn’t feel excessively early to me.  I did enjoy a breakfast burrito at one of the new restaurants in Portland International Airport.  I boarded my flight and had a three hour layover in Kansas City…which by the way is one of my least favorite airports.  It is claustrophobic, not enough food choices, and the bathrooms were not very clean.  I got to Minneapolis in the late afternoon and my parents picked me up.  We enjoyed a pasta dinner at Olive Garden with my sister and her husband.

My sister, her husband and I all shared a motel room.  It felt a little bit like a slumber party.  It reminded when we all went to Texas together on a mission trip when I was in high school and they were in college.  We went to bed pretty early.  Again I slept amazing right to the alarm when my brother-in-law said, “Ladies it’s time to get going.”

Marathon 1

Another great thing about this marathon is I felt like I got the nutrition right.  I ate everything I trained with.  I had a Honey Stinger organic vanilla waffle bar and a few homemade mini zucchini muffins while in the motel rooms and a half wattle bottle full of Ultima sports drink.  I ate a banana in the car.  I had a Hammer gel while at the starting line.  I felt like I ate enough and everything was sitting well.

We drove to the starting line from our motel and had a little bit of a scare.  As my brother-in-law drove on a major highway, a “wrong way driver” was coming at us.  She was on the wrong side of the median.  There was not very much traffic on the road so my brother-in-law easily pulled off to the shoulder while slamming on the horn.  We did not want to turn around in fears we were about to witness a head on collision.  I think I saw her get off the highway, but our hearts were pounding.  Our guess she was a drunk driver coming home from a party in the early morning hours.

Thankfully we got to the starting line in one piece.  We had to walk about a half mile to it.  After a stop at the port-a-potties and snapping a few pictures, I lined up with the 4 hour pacing group.

Marathon 2

This was my first marathon with my little ipod shuffle.  I also wear my iphone on my arm band. This was for the purpose of texting my brother-in-law and parents following the race if I could not find them. A small race advantage is finding your family right away.  I don’t listen to music through my iphone because we don’t get much date per month with our plan.  So I am the dorky runner that wears a iphone on my arm and a shuffle clipped to my shorts, but I am OK with that.   I have not run my previous marathons listening to music.  The jury is still out on whether I would run with music or without should I run another marathon.

On one hand I loved having music at the very beginning.  This is when my nerves are at their worst.  Having the music calmed my anxiety level and “pumped me up.”  I focused more on running and less on trying to keep up with the pacing group.  However, I really got tired of the music by around Mile #21 and looking back I could have turned it off.  By that point I did not care about anything but finishing strong.

Marathon 3

The run started through many scenic parks and we could not have asked for better weather.  It was in the 50’s and sunny.  My brother-in-law cheered for us at Mile #4 and then a few miles later. Again another small race advantage is he did not have to deal with a lot of traffic and weaving through crowds. This was very motivating.  I was able to stay between the 4 hour pacing group and the 3:45 group most of the first half.  As we get further into the city we ran through the University of Minnesota.  At around Mile #12 the half marathons turn off and go to the finish line.  Us full marathoners keep going and then turn around at Mile #17.  We were going down some massive hills and my only thought was “Oh no we are going to have to go up these on the way back.”  I trained on big hills (there is no way around them in Oregon) but I still hate them.

At the turn around around Mile #17 (or it could have been closer to #19) I felt like I was dragging.  My brother-in-law yelled to try to stay on the 4 hour group’s tail.  I really tried, but it was extremely hard.  I hated having them pass me, but I could not keep up with them.  Once I stopped to walk through an aid station, they were almost out of sight.  I was a little disappointed because I wanted to break four hours.   I knew if the 4:15 group caught up to me, I would not PR at all.

I tried to think positive thoughts.  It is a beautiful day.  I am running in a marathon–my fourth!  How many people can do that?  I worked hard in my training.  I gave it my best.  I am not walking but running mostly–how can I ask for more than that at this point?

The big hills that came at Mile #22 and #24 plain stunk.  They were terrible and I had to stop and walk up most of them as were many others.  My right knee often starts to give out around this point on marathons and my form falls apart.  It is almost harder to run downhill so I did not appreciate reaching the top and going back down.

Marathon 5

Once I saw the Mile #25 sign I put in my last surge of energy and I ran most of the way.  It was a blessing to see my dad at Mile #26 and I pushed as hard as I could to the finish line.  I was excited to see 4:04 as I crossed the finish line.  I did not break 4 hours, but I did PR.  The 4:15 group never caught up to me!

My sister had suffered an IT band injury while training.  I was not sure she would be able to finish let alone run the marathon.  So I had a twinge of anxiety as I saw the 4:15 group finish followed the 4:30.  Her husband said she was strong until Mile #20 maintaining a 4:15ish pace.  While watching her I was shivering. I had my cell phone out of its case so I could snap a photo of my sister as she crossed the finish line. I left my jacket in the car and they did not give out space blankets.  My dad lent me his sweater, but as I put it on I clumsily dropped my phone on the asphalt.  The phone still works but has a nice scratch going across it.  I tried to not let it ruin my mood.

My dad somehow found himself in a conversation with a homeless person. My brother-in-law and I stepped away in fear we would be too distracted and miss my sister coming in.  My sister crossed at 4:55 and she looked strong.  It was amazing to share this moment with her.  My first ever marathon with a family member and I could share it with my sweet sister.

Marathon 6

We left the marathon soon after.  Honestly walking to the car was almost worse than the last few miles of the marathon.  This might be TMI but if you are thinking of running a marathon, your bladder can do weird things post run.  I intentionally went to the bathroom right before getting in the car so we would not have to stop.  It was only about a 15 minute drive back to the motel so I assumed I would be OK.  A few minutes into the drive I had to GO…BAD!  There was nowhere to stop…we were downtown and there were no discreet bushes or trees.  My brother-in-law graciously dropped me off in front of a hotel where I went as fast as my sore legs could carry me to the lobby bathroom.  Then I waited on a street corner until he could come back from me.

The rest of the weekend was relaxing and a time of celebrating family togetherness.  We had a lunch at the motel and said good-bye to my brother-in-law who was flying home that afternoon.  My sister, parents, and I went out for a nice dinner.  The following morning we had breakfast together and I met an old friend who lives in the area for coffee.  My sister and I did not have a firm plan for the rest of the day.  We just wanted to explore Minneapolis.

Marathon 9

We started out an outdoor sculpture park my husband and I had gone to about fourteen years ago.  There was a mini golf course with actual art you golfed around.  I had never see anything like that and we had fun playing mini golf.  Who won you might ask?  We tied of course. Then we went to the Minnehaha Falls which my husband and I had also gone to in November of 2001 and it was COLD! I loved having more time to sit and view the falls.  No major hiking for us–we were SORE!  We had dinner at a Lebanese restaurant we found on the Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives website.  Then my sister wanted to go shopping.  I felt a little dead by that point but I did go to a few stores with her and bought presents for the kids.

Marathon 11

I wanted to be home in time for children’s school musical.  When I booked the trip the musical was scheduled for before I left.  Because of auditorium rental schedule changes, they had to move it to the last week of school.  Because my bus was running fifteen minutes behind I missed the oldest child’s piano solo, but my husband recorded it on his phone (LOVE technology!).  I saw the rest of the program.  By the time I got home I was exhausted and jumped right into a crazy week of wrapping up work, 8th grade graduation, Education meeting, end of the school year picnic, street hockey, strawberry picking, husband’s Open House, husband’s karate test, and more Open Houses.  Let’s just say I am glad our pace slowed down this week!!

I am blessed to have completed Marathon #4.  I have not made any firm decision on future races or triathlons this summer or fall.  Let’s just say I am already back to running, swimming, biking, weights, and street hockey–I just can’t seem to slow down.



OK do you trust me?

Blessed.  Beyond Blessed. This exact term was resonating through my head this spring.  I was asking myself, “Do I feel beyond blessed only when everything comes together?”

Because what happens when things fall apart?  Can you still look up to the Lord your God and say you are beyond blessed?

This spring, I was reminded in the tinier plans that if things go according to what I really want or the contrary what I fear, God IS.  God is good.

I realize I did not go through any major crisis moments this spring so my heart is humbled when I look to my friends who did.  But we are reminded in the minor inconveniences as well as the intense struggles that God IS.

We had four trips in two months (three to the Midwest) which seems just plain crazy.  One was unexpected–my sweet grandmother passed away on April 1st.

One thing I feared in all this…I am talking about an anxious reaction…is people getting sick.  Stomach bugs and bad colds always thwart plans. Yet we have no control over them.  It has been a horrible year for sickness.  Our kids have all been sick multiple times.  It started the last week of September and was off and on until the second to the last week of school.  It has not just been us–many of our friends have dealt with it too and some much worse.

We went to St. Louis in mid May for my husband’s graduation ceremony.  He earned his Doctorate of Ministry from Covenant Seminary.  Before we left we had plans to leave our kids with Friend #1’s house (btw–for the sake of this blog post I am referring to friends with numbers but it does not imply their ranking as friends).  Only days before we left, Friends #1 lost a loved one and had to travel to the Midwest for the funeral.  Thankfully Friends #2 offered to take our kids.  The day we were supposed to leave Friend #2 came down with a stomach bug and we had to leave our kids with Friends #3 who graciously offered to take our kids last minute.  I remember through the whole ordeal God saying to me, “OK do you trust me?”

We have no family remotely close to where we live.  We have to rely on our friends in these situations.  I am extremely grateful for “our village” who came through for us last minute and reassured us our kids would be fine.  I cannot imagine how lonely and frustrating life would be if we did not have “a village.”

Our kids eating breakfast with Friends #2 while we were away

Our kids eating breakfast with Friends #2 while we were away

My fear is I would be sick in St. Louis since I was exposed to all this crud.  That became reality as I went to bed the first night in our hotel feeling a little queasy and an hour later sick in the bathroom.  I was frustrated, angry, and anxious.  I felt like God was saying, “OK but do you trust me?”

I recovered quickly.  I did not miss his graduation lunch or the ceremony or the Cardinal games the next day.

Cardinals game with the husband and his brothers...

Cardinals game with the husband and his brothers…

I did miss some things, but overall I made it to all the important things. It was a tremendous honor to see my husband earn his D Min after hours and hours of work on his dissertation, multiple trips to St. Louis, and countless amount of time interviewing and reading.

Graduation Day!

Graduation Day!

We came home from St. Louis exhausted on a Sunday afternoon.  The youngest child was going to a birthday party which Friends #4 who graciously agreed to pick her. The middle child was going to a different party about a half hour away.  I made plans in advance to have him ride with Friends #5 since I knew we would be exhausted from our flight.  We had to get up at 3 AM central time.  As we arrived home Friend #5 texted me and said their daughter got the dreaded stomach bug and they weren’t going.  How do you tell your son you are not going to take him to a birthday party a half hour away because you are functioning off three hours of sleep especially when you have not seen him in four days?  My plan was to take him and set up a sleeping bag in the van.  I would sleep while he was at the party.  I was grumpy about the whole thing but again I felt like God said, “OK do you trust me?”

I texted Friend #6 last minute who was on her way to the party and agreed to pick up my son and take him along.  With our younger two gone all afternoon we could take long naps and get caught up on the sleep we lost.

That was Sunday.  On Friday we got ready for our annual church retreat at a camp about 1 hour away.  We left Saturday morning and had a full day of activities that first day.  Sunday morning the husband woke up and said, “I don’t feel great.  Kind of yucky.  But I don’t think I am sick.”  Anxiety began to run rampant again. I knew he was getting sick.  My kids don’t need to be constantly watched anymore, but I cannot let them run off alone.  Especially when there is a lake, a large woods, and unfamiliar parts of the camp.  My kids were excited to be at camp but a little out of control the first night.  I felt like I NEEDED my husband’s help.  Again I felt like God said, “OK do you trust me?”

The husband got sicker as I feared and had to go home.  However, the kids were amazing.  I don’t think I had to break up a single fight the rest of the weekend.  They always told me where they were going.  They stayed out of trouble. They had a wonderful time!  So did I!

Three kids at our church retreat

Three kids at our church retreat

I had a great hike around the lake with them at the conclusion of the weekend and we saw a bald eagle perched in a tree.  Another reminder of God as we see the handiwork of his creation.

Coming home on Monday, my youngest got the dreaded stomach bug.  The following day my oldest woke up with it. My anxiety escalated because I knew I was running the Minneapolis Marathon the following weekend.  I had invested months of training, bought a plane ticket, motel room & rental car.  Plus it was the first time I would run a marathon with my sister.  I did NOT want to be sick.  I hoped my husband and daughters caught what I already had, but I had no way of knowing.  Our symptoms were all a little different.

Again I felt like God was saying, “OK do you trust me?”  I was so paranoid about getting sick I hardly had time to be nervous about the actual marathon.  The end of this story was I did travel to Minneapolis, I did run in the marathon 100% healthy, my sister ran it too, and it was an amazing weekend.

Marathon 1

Me running in my fourth marathon

I know had I got sick and missed it, that I would STILL be beyond blessed.  Because whatever happens God IS.

It’s a bit harder to wrap my finger around this idea of “beyond blessed” when I think about some old friends God put on my heart recently. During our time in St. Louis old friends of ours lost a child.  On my way to Minneapolis to run a marathon with my sister, an old friend lost her sister unexpectedly.  While I was talking to my mom about her trip recently to visit old friends she mentioned her friend’s son is dying of cancer.  I’ve seen evidence in all three of these situations via Facebook and social networking that all three of these people are clinging to the hope that God IS.  Despite all the feelings of anger, frustration, depression, pain, despair, and loss–God IS.  Because they know if we don’t have the hope of God’s love through Christ, then what we do have?

Will you stand on the hope of God promises?  And will you pray for those in your life today who may not “feel beyond blessed” for whatever reason?


Marathon Mom: My Third Marathon June 2012

This is a re-post from this blog written in June of 2012.  Everything in italics was written in 2015.

I ran my first marathon in Portland in 2006.  To be honest, I did not enjoy very much of it.  It was more challenging than I ever imagined.  In December of 2010, I ran my second marathon in Sacramento.  Someone asked me why I was doing it a marathon if I did not like it the first time around.  I said, “Because I want to try it again.  I think it could go better the second time around.”  And it did.  At the time I had a five-year old, three-year old, and one year old and I needed a weekend alone.  So a weekend in Sacramento running in the California International Marathon plus lots of alone time, reading, eating out, meeting fellow runners was a good thing.

Now I have to tell you that three times is a charm.  Running in Seattle last weekend was even better!

Warning this post is very long!  I want to share my whole experience.  For those thinking about trying a marathon, please contact me if you have any questions.  I am a high school track drop-out.  I struggled to run a full mile when I took up running in 2000.  I never believed I could do this.  But I can.  And you might love it as much I do.

We left Friday afternoon. We had to be at the Runner’s Expo no later than 7 PM so I could pick up my racing packet.  I kept reading the lines on the Final Information directions, “You must pick it up by Friday.  NO EXCEPTIONS.”  If anyone has ever lived near a big city, you recall how unpredictable traffic can be.  I recall the time it took Rob three hours to drive from Cellular Field in Chicago to my workplace in Gary, Indiana (the same amount of time it can take to drive from Chicago to Michigan on a normal day).  We could not get on the road until 11:30 AM due to morning obligations, but thankfully we only hit traffic in Tacoma and then into Seattle–it was not the prolonged stand-still never-ending kind.

Of course it was cold, pouring rain.  Does it ever NOT rain in Seattle?  I was grateful I packed rain coats for all three kids.  We had to pay ten bucks to park, but we found a spot.  After parading around the expo, we took three hungry, thirsty, and somewhat exhausted kids to our motel about ten minutes from downtown.

We stayed fairly close to the University of Washington by a massive shopping mall with fun stores we don’t have here in Salem.  But no time for shopping.  We enjoyed a family dinner at the RAM Brewery.  This was a highlight for me.  As we were eating together, coloring kid’s menus, and glancing at the Track and Field Olympic trials on the TV, I realized how much easier it is going out to eat in a sit down restaurant versus a year ago.  I recall visits to Red Robin or Applebeeswith kids constantly playing with everything on the table, crying, climbing on everything, and not wanting to sit for more than two minutes.

The two oldest watching a movie in bed.

After dinner it was getting close to 8 PM.  We had to get up at 5:15 AM.  Rob told me I was in charge of setting the alarms.  He said he would set six alarms.  I had to laugh because anytime we have to catch an early flight, alarms keep going off every five minutes.  I set three.

It took some stern warnings and lots of shushing before the kids settled down.  Rob and I watched TV on his iPad in the motel bathroom…doesn’t get any more romantic than that.  Even though I was in bed at 10, I probably woke up every hour.  At 1:30 AM, the youngest was stirring.  She is all the over bed when she sleeps.  Plus the room was way too hot.  I put the fan on cool and managed to get a few more hours of sleep.  My mental alarm woke me up twenty minutes before the first alarm sounded.

Everyone was up by 5:15 AM.  We managed to get everyone dressed in the car by 5:40 AM.  I munched on a granola bar and downed a thing of Gatorade.

Lesson #10:  Eat a good pre-race breakfast.  If you don’t think you can stomach it right at 5 AM, eat gradually.  Take some of it in the car.  Eat what you have trained with.  

Nerves were pretty intense by that point.  We did not hit traffic until we hit the I-5 off ramp.  Then we were in stand still traffic.  I think we went a mere mile in twenty minutes.  It was at that point the youngest started coughing and the gagging quickly turned into vomit.  I hate throw up in the car–there is nothing worse.  So I am grabbing baby wipes trying not to get any on me.  Running 26.2 miles smelling like vomit?  No way.  Disgusting.  Then I am freaking out to the point of tears.  What if she has a stomach bug and what if I am getting it too?  How can I run 26.2 miles if I have a stomach bug?  My stomach hurts right now.  But is it just nerves?  I tend to be a little bit of a drama queen when it comes to stomach bugs and illness.

Lesson #11:  Know there is always a possibility you will have to miss a race due to illness especially if you have young children in the house.  It has happened to me yet, but it certainly could.  Know there is absolutely nothing you can do about it except any preventative measure you can like getting a flu shot, washing hands, etc. Try to avoid being around sick people and crowded public areas at least two weeks before.  This is not always doable especially if you have sick kids.

And we’re not getting any closer to the starting line.  Roads are starting to block off.  It’s 6:20 AM.  I see droves of runners walking towards the Seattle Center.  So I jump out of the van, grab an apple, and follow them.  Rob takes the kids back to the hotel for breakfast and rest.

Lesson #12:  If crowds and traffic cause massive amounts of anxiety, pick a small marathon.  Seattle was HUGE.  So many people everywhere and hard to get around.  

I get to the Seattle Center and there are thousands of people, but not a single sign directing runners.  Where in the world is the gear check?  I ask six people and the sixth person knows and says I can follow her.  We make our way all the way to the complete other side of the Seattle Center and check in our gear.  I make my way back checking the clock.  It’s 6:45 AM.  Fifteen minutes until start time.  Do I have time to go to the bathroom?  I HAVE TO go to the bathroom.  I go into one of the buildings.  The bathroom line is somewhat decent. I will take the flush toilet over the port a potty any day.  I overhear someone say it’s a wave start for the race.  You start with your group number.  If you miss your group, you just join the next one.  I’m in Group #20.  That explains why some of these people are not in a hurry even though the gun is going off in less than fifteen minutes.

Lesson #13:  Gear check is great but you don’t need to use it.  If you can leave your jacket with someone who will be at the finish line, it can save you the hassle.

I make my way to my group.  Originally I said I would finish the race around 4:15 hence why I am in this group, but I wanted to shoot for four hours.  The 4:15 pace group is right in front of me.  Do I want to try and catch up to the 4 hour group?  Stick with the 4:15 group?  Or ditch the pacers and run my own pace?  In my previous marathon, I was having a difficult time keeping up with the 4:15 group.  They were about seven minutes ahead of me.  I have trained better this around and my pace is faster.

Waiting for my group to start was probably the worst of it.  When I am nervous, I just need to talk to someone.  Anyone.  I found a group from Boise to talk to and then some American Cancer Society runners.  We waited about twenty minutes before we could start, but it felt so much longer than that.

Then we finally got to start and were running through the streets of Seattle.  I realized how eclectic the race crowd was–people in banana costumes, tutus, and brightly colored socks.  Tons of charity runners from the American Cancer Society, Leukemia/Lymphoma Society, and a group running for fallen soldiers dominated the crowds.  Bands lined the course and cheerleaders dressed in bright tie dye outfits.

By around mile five we were exiting out of the city and closer to Seward Park which was by far my favorite part of the race.  It was a beautiful park along the bay with a beach waterfront.  It was at this point I caught up to the 4:15 pacer.  A few other women were running with her. She was a petite lady with a thick Australian accent.  She was so peppy and upbeat.  I discovered most of the pace runners were stay at home moms to young children.  Most of them had run marathons before and continued the hobby like myself.  We swapped marathon stories, talked about our kids, and the places we lived. We even had a great conversation about working with middle schoolers.  Our pace leader is a middle school principal.  These ladies really carried me through most of the race.  I was grateful for them.

After the park, we were back on regular city streets and then up the ramp to the I 90 (which they close off–no way we’d run side by side with big semi trucks).  By this point I was having “the runner dilemma” of whether to stop at the bathroom or keep treading along.  I was impressed this marathon had a massive amount of port a potties along the course.  Too often there are a few and the line is long.  So I made a pit stop because there was no wait.  I managed to increase my speed again and catch up to the 4:15 crowd about  a half hour and approximately three miles later.

We were heading in the other direction now on the I 90 hitting the tunnels one by one.  We would soon take the down ramp and run by Century Link field.  It was about Mile #19.  I was running slightly ahead of the 4:15 group.  At one point I could not even see them behind me.  Once I stopped at an aid station and walked very briefly, they always passed me until I caught up.  By that point most of us were quiet focusing on the run.  One step in front of the other.  The next mile to the next and the next.  You don’t really think about anything at that point–just keep moving.  It is almost more difficult to stop and then start again than it is to keep running non-stop.

By the last mile one of the 4:15 girls took off and wished me luck.  The pace leader encouraged me through the last mile.  I told her my right knee was hurting and right thigh starting to ache, but there was no way I was stopping.  I was going to keep going.  Even up the killer hill a breath away from the finish line.  Who puts a hill by the finish line!?  We finished together side by side.  Final time?  4:11:22!  Not breaking four hours, but a personal PR.  My time in Portland was 4:38:00 and Sacramento was 4:22:00.

When I finished my first marathon I was angry and frustrated.  When I finished my second I was giddy and thrilled.  When I finished my third I cried!  Apparently my husband and the kids watched me finish.  There was such a massive crowd and my mind was focused on pushing forward–I did not even see them.

After being handed water, Gatorade, bagels, smoothies, chocolate milk, and a space blanket, I meandered over to gear check.  I grabbed my cell phone and celebrated with my family over the phone.  Then I had to try and find them which turned into a game of cat and mouse.  He put the kids in the van and was in bumper to bumper traffic.  I can hardly walk faster than a turtle’s pace and I am trying to figure out how to get to Denny Way.  I heard other runners on their phones saying, “I’m all turned around.  I don’t know where I am.”  It took some back and forth driving and walking, but we finally found one another.  The only thing on our agenda was getting out of the city.  Especially because the near perfect warm, sunnyish weather quickly turned into a downpour.  I am so thankful the rain came after I had already finished.

There were just over 3,000 marathon runners and 14,000 half marathoners.  It was a BIG event.  I was grateful and blessed I could be a part of it.  I realize I can do something not everyone can do.  I do not take it for granted.  It is a gift and opportunity God has blessed me with.

What’s next?  I am walking all this week and getting into the pool a little as my body recooperates.  Then we’ll see. Maybe some biking, weight training, and a little running again.  Maybe another marathon in the future.

No pictures of the actual race yet.  I have to surf through all the professional photos they took of us.  It is very difficult for my husband to keep tabs on the kids and take pictures at the same time.  I did see some runners taking their cameras with them on the race.  I might have to do that next time.

Following this marathon I ran casually in the summer.  Then I started swim lessons that fall and began triathlon training and completed my first triathlon spring of 2013.