Everyday Mom
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Tag Archives: relationship with God

The Fellowship Hall

June 2, 2013

Fellowship halls are a necessary for a church.  People need a large room to congregate, have meals, and let the boys play dodge ball on Wednesday nights.

Enjoying A Meal

However I have found it difficult to have a meaningful conversation in the fellowship hall.  So often after-service Sunday turns into crossing items off  a to-do list.  Talk to Person A about VBS, Person B about youth group, and Person C about my children misbehaving in Children’s Worship.

I’ve also blamed it all the loud noise and low lighting in the fellowship hall, but maybe that is my own excuse.

Today my three year old was randomly going up to everyone (even the oldest lady in the church who has a thick Dutch accent is hard to understand) and showing off her new Bible and pointing out her favorite stories.

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I wish I had that kind of zeal she had for people.  I tried today.  I really did.  I talked to a couple people.  While my conversations were shorter and surfacey, I threw out my own “church to do-list agenda” and my own stories.  I did learn new things about people I have known for years.  No effort wasted.

Posted by in Friends & Get togethers, Mental Health & Self Care Tags: , , , , , , ,

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Sunday Reflection: A Mom’s Quiet Time

April 7, 2013

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A couple years ago I was sitting around a table with fellow young moms at our MOPS group.  We had listened to a speaker share about prayer, reading the Bible, and other spiritual issues and we were beginning to discuss some of the things she shared.  What I kept hearing over and over from my friends was:  ”I should pray more…but I just don’t.”  ”I should read the Bible…but I forget.”  ”I don’t attend church because it’s just too hard with babies and toddlers. I kind of gave up.”

I was discouraged.  Not because my friends were neglecting their prayer life and Bible reading (to be honest I was at about the same place they were), but because these tasks were becoming something to cross off “a to do list.”  Of course they were important, but they felt like they were a few steps higher than doing a load of laundry.  I wanted to yearn for praying to God and desire reading my Bible.  Yet I simply felt….tired.

One mom shared how we are giving so much attention to our little ones and our house. We should simply say small quick prayers to God throughout the day.  Then I thought–”Is that the kind of relationship I really want with God?”  What if I had that kind of relationship with my husband.  We would not spend any quality time together.  What if I only talked to him a minute here or a minute there.  What if those minutes only consisted of asking for things?DSC05506

I recently had the honor of talking to a pastor from Washington and writing this article about his church’s focus on corporate prayer.  Many Christians struggle with prayer.  They know how to ask God for things…but to really seek the Lord and hear his guiding voice…that is harder.  After talking to him, I realized that my time spent with the Lord is not simply read a Bible passage (check) and pray for the prayer requests I can think of at the time (check).

Time spent with the Lord is simply that…quality time. I read through Scripture and try to understand what the Bible is saying.  Sometimes I pray through Scripture because the words of a Psalm or a passage in Romans speak to something I am going through.  I keep a prayer journal and write out requests. Sometimes I do not write anything at all.  Sometimes I simply sit quietly and listen.   Sometimes I go through the names of God and acknowledge who God is.  Sometimes I simply pray for one person–my husband, one of my kids, an extended family member, a friend.  Sometimes I simply ask, “God what do you want me to do?  This is what I want to do, but is it really what you want?”

 Since I began doing this (only a few weeks ago) I feel like I have a greater understanding of what a mom’s “quiet time” is supposed to be.DSC05558

On a practical note:  When do I do this?  I am not as a scheduled of a person as I would like to be.  I try to get away for 15-20 minutes in a quiet room while my kids are either watching TV, napping, in bed for the night, or playing outside.  There have been times I have a child on my lap as I read my Bible.

Most people I know I am a runner.  I hit points where I lose motivation to run.  Honestly I do get bored with it. Which is why I have switched to triathlon.  Each day is a different workout (swimming, biking, running, or weight training). I asked myself if I could find some type of “triathlon style” Bible reading where each day is different..

I found this great Bible in one year website that is divided into reading a different part of the Bible each day.  Day 1 is the Epistles.  Day 2 is the Law.  Day 3 is History.  Day 4 is Psalms.  Day 5 is Poetry.  Day 6 is the Prophecy.  Day 7 is the Gospels.  Many people who try to read the Bible in one year lose motivation when they hit books like Leviticus which is a long list of sacrifices and laws.  This is what happened to me.  It is important to read it of course.  I think it helps to balance some of the difficult books with the easier ones.

We NEED that quiet time with the Lord if we are to have any kind of solid relationship with Him.  Understanding the point of it is the first step towards making it a part of your daily life.

Posted by in Mental Health & Self Care Tags: , , , ,

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Happiness Project: Speak in the Positive

March 4, 2013

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One thing I wanted to focus on this month was speaking in the positive.  I do not want my conversations with my kids all day long to be “Don’t do that!” or “Stop it!”

Warning:  if you take on a project like this you will immediately be hit with all kinds of challenges and be tested in every which way.

The whole day of Saturday I tried this out.  It was a good day to practice as my husband was in meetings all day–I had the kids all day long and into the evening.  I did fail at times, but for the most part it was a good learning experience.  Here are three examples from each one of my kids.

My oldest was fighting in the van with the youngest as we were leaving for the oldest’s basketball game.  I told them it is difficult to concentrate on driving when there is screaming, kicking, and fighting.  I explained if they fought, I would stop the car and park in a safe place.  I informed my oldest that would mean she would miss the beginning of her basketball game, but that would be the consequence of her choice.  Thankfully it was a pleasant ride to the game.

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My son is naturally loud (gee, I wonder where he got that from) and was imitating the buzzer in the basketball game and making extra noise while we were having lunch at Subway.  I looked at him and said calmly and matter-of-fact “Use your indoor voice.”

My youngest (who is more strong willed than the other two) did not want to get off the basketball court because she wanted to play.  The team was starting to prepare for the second half.  I asked her to get off the court and she didn’t budge.  I told her she had to come sit down for the game.  She refused.  I told her I was going to count to three.  I made it to three and I walked out with her.  I told her she had a choice between sitting with me and watching the game or sitting at a table outside the gym.  She apologized and said she would sit and watch the game.

I discovered that when I speak more in the positive, I am calmer.  When I am calmer, I enjoy the kids more.  When I enjoy them more, we laugh together.  I crave my time with them.  I don’t feel like retreating.

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We need to tell our kids what specifically we want them to do.  Often I resort to “Knock it off” or “Shape up.”  Do they know what that means?  Do I even know what that means!?

We have had our share of meltdowns the past two days. Dealing with meltdowns can be tricky. We need to figure out the root of why it occurred.  Too tired?  Too close to a meal?  Upset about something that happened earlier?  Not feeling well? It is VERY hard to remain calm during meltdowns, but like I said God has given me practice the last few days.  That is the only way we can improve–through opportunities to practice.

Posted by in Raising little ones Tags: , , , , , , ,

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Happiness Project: Guidelines For Living

February 28, 2013

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I am embarking on my personal happiness project in March.  March is my personal New Years Day as my birthday is at the beginning of the month.  Before I share with you more about my project here is an explanation of my guidelines for living...

1) Love God & love others - When I entered youth ministry at the tender age of 23 with no money and little experience…but ready to take on the world…my senior pastor (and to this day one of my role models) said that my work can simply be summed as this:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love kids.  All I need to be is a simple clay vessel ready to be filled with His treasure.  Which is why you will always see 2 Corinthians 4:7 at the end of my e-mails.

2) Seek the Lord in all things.  Cast your cares on him in the small decisions like how I should spend my birthday money, the medium sized decisions such as where I should send my children to school, and the giant decisions such as when should I go back to work and what should I be doing.

3) Be myself.  I am a big picture, somewhat creative, dreamer who is extroverted, needs “outside” time and often sings too loud (and off key).  That is me.  I am not going to try be someone I am not.

4) Listen, listen, listen!  Talking comes much more naturally to me.  I talk through my issues while my husband thinks through everything.  Being in a formal or informal group of people where someone is constantly talking, interrupting, or always bringing the conversation back to them is…well…annoying…and sometimes sabotages a group.  I try to listen to my husband, my kids, my friends, my extended family–I am and will probably always be a work-in-progress.

5) Act the way I want to feel:  You really CAN choose the way you want you to feel.  Although sadness, despair, and wallowing has its time and place, you are not destined to stay in a slump forever.

6) Follow through:  Follow a task from start to finish.  There is ALWAYS interruptions, but pick up where you left off.

7) Do the work that needs to be done:  I would much rather surf facebook for 45 minutes that put the breakfast dishes away and wipe down counters.  Keep priorities in the right order.

8)  Say what you need:  Don’t beat around the bush.  If I need help, I need to ask for it.

9)  Accept and move on:  There are people (sometimes mean) and situations (sometimes crummy) I have absolutely no control over.  Acceptance breeds contentment.

10) Tone it down:  I am a loud person and I come from a noisy family.  I tend to overreact and create drama.  Some of this part of who I am, but I have learned to turn the volume (and the drama) down over the years.

11) Think it about:  If I do not have to make a split second decision, it’s not a bad thing to process it for awhile and consider all sides of the coin.

12) It’s not about you:  One of my husband’s catch phrases I have made my own.  You should not have to try hard to impress people or find your allies.  Instead ask how you can reach out to others.

Posted by in Mental Health & Self Care Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

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My Happiness Project: Introduction

February 26, 2013

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Sometimes I think the whole idea of finding to happiness is overrated.  When are we truly “happy.”  Have we ever arrived?

I also know we have to live intentionally if we are going to find meaning.  I always go back to what my eighth grade English teacher said:  ”If you aim at nothing, you will hit it.”

When I took a cognitive therapy class, I was amazed…sometimes blown away…at how faulty and overly negative my thoughts were.  It became second nature.  I had no idea that I was living my life in a hazy anxious cloud and that I could break free from it.  It was a process to see the world in a realistic (not rose-colored necessarily) lens.  It took intentional planning, mapping out my thoughts, conversing with my support group, and setting goals to heal and function…and find happiness.

I recently read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  In the book she dedicates a month to a certain area of her life and sets goals.  It is like having a bunch of “mini New Years resolutions.”  Rather than having resolutions for a whole entire year (which we all break halfway through January) it is focusing on areas of our life month by month for 365 days.

I was inspired by it and have set my own month by month goals.  Do I think it will acheive happiness?  I don’t know.  But it will help me organize my life and focus on the things I should be focusing on.  I know there will be plenty of failures along the way.  But shortcomings have their purpose too.

Rubin encourages her readers to have a list of guidelines for living.  Everybody values different things. Rubin describes them as “the overarching principles of how we live our life.” This is her own list which is made up of 2-3 word sentences.  Here is mine…

1) Love God and love others.

2) Seek the Lord in all things.

3) Be myself

4) Listen, listen, listen!

5) Act the way I want to feel.

6) Follow through.

7) Do the work that needs to be done.

8) Say what you need

9) Accept and move on

10) Tone it down

11) Think about it

12) It’s not about you.

Next I will share a little more about my guidelines.

Posted by in Mental Health & Self Care Tags: , , , , , ,

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Why “Reading the Bible More” Is Not My News Years Resolution

January 1, 2013

DSC04935Many of you are making New Years resolutions right now.  So often I see people say, “I want to read my Bible more.”

I have stopped making this my resolution.  For one I know I will never get to that point where I have attained this goal.  I no longer believe that if I climb the spiritual ladder of reading the Bible everyday that my life will be less chaotic than it already is.

I have met countless Christians in my lifetime who tell me they need to attend church more and feel guilty when they skip services.  They want their family to attend Sunday School, but they have many excuses.  They tried to read the whole Bible in a year, but never made it past Leviticus.  They thought about joining a Bible Study, but they have too much on their schedule anyway.

Normal, loving people who want do good.  They live moral lives and reach out to other people.  I can relate because I have been there too.  I daresay my Christian school upbringing emphasized the moral code (don’t drink, have premarital sex, do drugs, go to church, read your Bible, pray etc.) more than what it means to know God and have a relationship with Him.  I honestly don’t think I figured out “the relationship part” until college when my anxiety and depression spiraled out of control and my feeble relationship with the Lord was the only thing keeping me afloat.

Are we chasing after a moral code or are we trying to know a God who loves us that he made the sacrifice of His son?

Hayley Di Marco in her book The Fruitful Wife says:

“When we are willing to believe, we seek to understand.  And when we seek to understand, we look to God’s Word for that understanding.  When we move through this progression, we begin to discern what pleases God, and as we discover what pleases him, we begin to want it more and more.”  (134)

Face it.  If my goal is simply to read the Bible because it is a nice thing to do and it is going to make my life happier, I am going to lose my motivation quickly.  I am going to be more inclined to tune in to facebook or watch another episode of Glee.

Julie Ann Barnhill says it best when she talks about trying to read the Bible in the trenches of mothering little ones in her book, “She’s Gonna Blow.”

“I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to do—this goal of reading and studying the Bible in the middle of motherhood. I would guess that your first inclination is to read anything but the Bible. I understand, trust me..at one time I had more than ten magazine subscriptions and probably picked up that many more off the rack while waiting in line for the grocery store! I was an information junkie, craving empty calories of junk-food trivia. It was much easier to grab a dose of Regis and Kathie Lee in between morning baby naps than to discipline myself and study the Word of God…But I’ve learned the hard way that it is simply impossible to grow in faith if the only source you’re tapping into is cultural junk food.” (138)

When you seek the Lord in his Word, you quickly understand that your faith is not simply this thing you hold on to that makes you into a better person.  Instead you realize how broken you are.  How desperately you need to be healed. How you cannot imagine walking alone without the guidance of your Lord and Savior.  How you have this capacity to love other people even those who turned against you.  How every single decision can be brought to the Lord in prayer.

You look at church attendance, Sunday School, Bible Study, youth group, prayer meetings differently.  All the sudden they aren’t obligations, guilt factors, or things to cross of “a to-do list.”  You yearn for them.

I think we get so comfortable with having a watered down faith.  We excuse ourselves for not seeking to know the Lord because everyone else seems to be living this way.  I have been there.  I have had weeks, months, and even years in this state of mind.  And I have been in the ministry my whole life.  Never think that we in the ministry have it all together.

So I would say my New Years resolution is to continue to walk with the Lord and seek to know Him more.  And really it’s not a News Years goal, but a lifetime resolution.

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December Photos #24 Christmas Eve

December 25, 2012

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Since we moved to Oregon we rarely spend Christmas Eve with extended family. It is not possible with the distance and the need for my husband to be close to home at Christmas with his worship leading responsibilities.  For the first time in a long time, I am OK with that.  We have been blessed to have wonderful friends here we can share holidays with.

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We are thankful for this season of life when we have dear friends working their way through the toddler/preschool/early education years alongside us.  Who we can laugh with, cry with, and celebrate with.

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We are grateful to not just fellowship together but also to spur one another on in our spiritual journeys.  As we seek to be men and women of faith and godly parents to our little ones.

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December Photos #23 Church Christmas Program

December 25, 2012

DSC07862The first Christmas we have all three kids in the church Christmas program.  What a blessing to see our little ones leading in worship during this blessed Advent season.

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December Photos Day #16 Third Sunday Of Advent

December 17, 2012

A windy storm and a blowing evergreen tree upset the cable box outside which means we lost Internet again.  Comcast man to the rescue this afternoon.  I am a little behind of posting photos.

Yesterday was the third Sunday of Advent.  Rob preached from Romans 12 which is one of my favorite passages in the Bible.  Some of the words that have been floating through my brain this Advent season are “brokenness” and “restoration.”  Rob preached about how this pertains to our human relationships.

In their youth, some people try to achieve perfection in sports, art, or music.  For me it was friendship.

I have seen some friendships in my life rot for various reasons.  We all have. While some people are able to pick themselves up, walk away, and never look back–it’s much more difficult for me to do.  I replay the “what ifs” over in my head.  I consider seeking reconciliation even though I already tried.  I go back forth between blaming myself and longing for revenge.

Jesus Christ is the ultimate friend.  He took the blame, bore the shame, and ended up dying for people on the cross who looked the other way.  I will never be that.  I will never attain that perfection.  I long for Christ to return to make all things new bringing hope and reconciliation to the brokenness that intertwines us as uprooted friends.

I strive to practice hospitality and gentleness to the people who have closed the door on me or that I have shut the door on.  I am the first to admit I made mistakes.  I think I have learned more about forgiveness in my 30′s than in any period of life.  You can’t have a marriage, healthy friendships, positive relationships with your own kids and the kids you help without forgiveness.

As Rob was preaching I looked at this picture my oldest was drawing.  A group of people–every single has a giant grin on their face–ice skating, sledding, making snowballs, and sipping hot chocolate.  Beautiful.  Harmony.  Isn’t that we all long for?  Come, Lord Jesus.DSC07811

 

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December Pictures #9 2nd Sunday in Advent

December 9, 2012

Years ago when I was a college student living in Grand Rapids, Michigan I had to drive to the northwest side of town (that I was not familiar with), pick up a fellow student, and we attended a youth ministry meeting.  After the conclusion of the meeting, I dropped her off.  She said, “Do you know how to get back to the campus?”  I said, “Oh yeah–I’ll figure it out.”  So I took a road that I thought would lead me east back to where I lived.  I got very turned around and ended up on these country roads that seemed never-ending.

This was “pre-cell phone” and “pre-GPS” days.  The more I tried to figure out how to get back to the main road, the more lost I became.  I started crying and prayed to God that I could somehow see a sign to lead me home.  Not too long after that, I saw city lights way off in the distance. I knew if I went towards those lights, I would eventually hit downtown Grand Rapids.  As I followed the lights, I saw another sign.  It was the I 96 Interstate sign.  I was relieved as I found the on ramp and headed east to my home.  I was lost well over an hour and was headed further west well into the next county.

Rob preached this morning on Revelation 21:15-27 and how Jesus has come to bring renewal to a global culture.  He talked about how someday all the treasures of heaven will be brought together into a new Jerusalem.  Ever tongue, tribe, and culture will rejoice together in our new heavenly home in God’s presence.  Rob talked about how thinking of that day makes us “a little homesick” here on earth for the new city.

It made me instantly think of Michael W Smith’s song from the late 1990′s I’ll Lead You Home. Especially the ending which says:

So let it go and turn it over to
The one who chose to give his life for you
Leave it to me
I’ll lead you home

Many of us wander aimlessly through this life.  We are lost.  I have taken notice the last few months of all the people I come in contact with who complain about being too tired and too busy.  I think my eyes are more opened to it because I was convicted that I was living that kind of life too.  Directionless.  There is so much on my schedule, but am I even doing what God wants me to be doing?  Is the way God really wants me to live?

Rob talked about each one of us has a role to play in this cultural renewal.  God has given each one of us gifts and talents we are to use within his kingdom.  How are you playing your part?  Have you lost focus and you are going the wrong way down the wrong road?  Are you trying to do so much that you feel like you are doing nothing?  Look to the Light. He loves you and will guide you in every single area of your life–big and small.  Embrace the promise of a new city that will one be HOME.DSC07769This is no picture of heaven. Entering through my front door after a time away is a small picture of what might be like to enter heaven…we will eternally be home.

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